Inspired by John Darko’s The Music-First Audiophile Manifesto, The Bass-First Audiophile Manifesto is here to rumble your funny bone(s).

1. The Bass-First Audiophile knows that music and sound quality are important, but that bass will always be the most important.
    
2. The Bass-First Audiophile has an army of subwoofers and will choose albums that can rattle the moon. He dreams of being registered on the Richter scale of his local earthquake monitoring center.
    
3. The Bass-First Audiophile knows there are many other music genres beyond those that he enjoys (or she will hear at a hi-fi demo). To name a few: bass-heavy dubstep, bass-rich hip-hop, bass-thumping EDM, bass-boosted funk, bass-loaded lullabies, and the classic bassline of a heart attack.
    
4. The Bass-First Audiophile isn’t trying to bring the live experience home. She understands that the live experience is for amateurs who haven’t felt their internal organs vibrate to the beat.
    
5. The Bass-First Audiophile knows that sound quality is a distant second to the almighty bass. Subwoofers are the throne upon which true audio greatness sits.
    
6. The Bass-First Audiophile understands that a software app’s bass-boost feature, the hardware’s subwoofer count, its vibration level, and its ability to cause small earthquakes all play a part in the overall listening experience.
    
7. The Bass-First Audiophile knows that hi-res audio can enhance sound quality, but she will never choose or refuse an album based on anything other than the sheer depth of its bass. Why? Because nothing else matters when the bass drops.
    
8. The Bass-First Audiophile knows that the pursuit of better sound is not “all about the music.” She’d be happy listening to bass on laptop speakers or tiny white earbuds if they could somehow produce the same chest-thumping impact.
    
9. The Bass-First Audiophile knows that being an audiophile isn’t about how much money she spends on audio gear but how much she can crank up the bass without letting the tail wag the dog. If the bass doesn’t make her neighbors think there’s an earthquake, she’s falling short. Bass comes first. Always.
    
10. The Bass-First Audiophile thinks bass first, everything else a distant second.